You Dumb Dumb!

If you're anything like me you abhor traffic. And if you live in Austin or have spent any amount of time here, you know that the roads are congested for most of the day.

It's been bad for a long time. I remember dubbing Mopac "Slowpac" about two years after getting here. That was 10 years ago. And now, with the influx of people and the exploding population in the last 3-4 years, it is a tad unbearable.

I began to notice my increasing road rage two and a half years ago when I was pregnant. I don't know if it was the hormones, the protective urge I suddenly felt, or simply the fact that with all the new drivers came a whole new set of rules. Whatever the case, I started to feel this bubbling rage that at times would spill over. I'd catch myself shouting at other people on the road, sometimes giving the finger, blaring down on my horn, shaking my head at their stupidity. I'm sure I looked like a lunatic. I certainly felt like one.

WHY must you cut me off?

Is it so hard to STAY IN YOUR LANE? (Seriously, if you can't, you need to trade in your Suburban for something smaller.)

GET OFF YOUR EFFING PHONE AND DRIVE!!!

Are you SERIOUSLY putting on mascara while driving at 70mph?!!!

Ohmygod, GOOOOOO!!

FML.

Some people can take the bus or ride their bikes to get around town. That's great if that is an option for you. Unfortunately I need my car for work. Cap Metro is not the most stellar transportation service, and riding the bus is not a very efficient use of your time if you are on a tight schedule. My daily Clone adventures and my son's to & fro's require me to be on my own timetable, not Cap Metro's.

I'm lucky enough to be self-employed and not forced to use the roads during peak hours in the morning or evening. I generally avoid those times altogether, sticking close to home or not leaving my office at all, and when I have to, I take the back roads, but even those are getting congested. Everyone is learning the secrets of the city. Damn it!

At 7:30 this morning when I was slamming on my brakes behind bad drivers on Capital of Texas Hwy, I started thinking about my grandfather, Paw. When I was little he'd pick me up nearly every afternoon and drive me to his house where I would hang out with him and Mawzy until my parents were off from work. He drove a chocolate brown King Cab truck that had a CB radio he talked on frequently, but the thing I remember most about riding in that truck is when someone would drive badly he'd shout out, "YOU DUMB DUMB!" At the time I found it funny, but as an adult dealing with lots of dumb dumbs behind the wheel, I'm positive that this was Paw's version of road rage. I also think that he probably didn't have the right of way half as often as he thought he did. I wonder how he'd react to the chaos wreaked by Austin motorists today?

Paw, decades before he became my best friend

It's easy to get frustrated at every wrong turn someone else makes, whether it's because they clearly earned their driver's license in a different country or simply because they are distracted, but I have learned that reacting to it by yelling, throwing my hands up or leaning on the horn only fuels my rage. Instead, starting today, I'm going to take a deep breath and channel my Paw, imagining the other driver feels 110% confident that he or she is driving politely. Then, with a smile on my face, I'm going to calmly say...You Dumb Dumb!!

At least that's the plan. I'm hoping I can make traffic one less thing to stress about. 

How to Get Stuff Done & Feel Good About It

"The simple act of writing things down (or typing or texting) quite literally alters the cognitive function that helps increase efficiency." I read that in a brief article on Manta.com the other day about the benefits of making a To Do List.

I have always reaped a tremendous amount of satisfaction from crossing off lists. You know that feeling you get when you are on a roll with something? That feeling of "I. Just. Can't. Stop." That's what a To Do List does for me.

When I complete each task, I methodically cross it off the list. Sometimes I mutilate it. Taking the pen to the paper & doing a scribbly dance to black that task out of my life forever. Particularly if it was a less appealing one. And sometimes, when I'm feeling like I haven't gotten enough done, I add things to the list that I have already done so that I get the satisfaction of that beautifully hand crafted strike through. Each line item is like a small mission (sometimes I do feel like I missed my calling to work for the CIA). So I go on, seemingly, a thousand missions per day to succeed as a mom to a toddler, the owner and operator of a growing local business, and someone who also manages a house by herself. 

I know it's a bit obsessive, but I get a lot of shit done. A lot. People are always asking me how I can accomplish so much in such a short period of time. I'm telling you, it's the To Do List. It helps to get the brain storm out of your head and into one neatly wrapped package over which you can exercise some control.

The To Do List is my secret. It is like magic for life's over achiever. A vertical timeline to guide you. It only takes 5 minutes to make one. And I want to share mine with you. 

1. On Saturday I make several lists for the coming week. 

In this case they were categorized as Groceries, House - To Do, Home Depot and Office Depot. 

2. Create a list for each day of the week.

Below is my House list... Omg, I will never accomplish all that in a week. So before I get all revved up about it, I'm going to choose the things that are priority, and I can save the rest for another week. But at least I have them out of my head and in front of me, making them much more likely to happen.

3. Time Management

EXERCISE - You'll notice that I try to do some form of exercise every day except Sunday. Typically, I base everything around my work schedule, but I prefer to exercise in the morning because it starts my day off right, with a positive mindset and a higher metabolic rate increasing my energy. Plus, I'm exhausted by the time I put my son to bed, so am much less likely to exercise at 8:30pm. I am fried by that point and generally tend to answer emails, write or zone out on Netflix.   

• SUN - Since I typically try not to do Clone work on Sundays, I know I can get a lot of stuff done around the house so I focus my list at home this day.
• MON - Errands, work, some stuff around the house
• TUES - Work, some stuff around the house
• WED - I have my son for the first part of the day on Wednesdays so I'm able to do more around the house & less for work.
• THURS - WORK WORK WORK! My son is with his dad this whole day so it's my time to make money!
• FRI - Work, fun with my son on a Fri night
• SAT - Fun times, some work around the house, make next week's list

Do I stay on track completely? Of course not. This is life, and inevitably there will be curve balls. What to do then? Sometimes, you can jump ahead if a task is easier to complete today rather than tomorrow. Sometimes stuff just doesn't get crossed off. Is it worth beating yourself up over? No. You're not a robot. The list is your guide, not your Bible.

Here's what Tuesday night looked like.

And Saturday night when it came time to make the next week's list.

So I just moved those things that didn't get done to the top of my general list for next time.

4. To Do List for Work

For me, technology is key here. I use Google Calendar, and for each client and for my own office hours I keep a running list within each calendar appointment of things that need to happen, items for which I'm waiting for responses ("WFR") in order to move forward, and tasks that have been completed. Since many of my work items are ongoing, I find it easier to keep an electronic list, particularly since so much of my work is done on the computer.

Here's what my "Clone Office Hours" calendar appointment looks like.

Here's what doesn't work.

That's just chaos. 

If you can get things accomplished this way, please write to me. 

I'd love to know how you do it. 

5. Staying Motivated

If you find that you are struggling to accomplish the things you set out for yourself, perhaps you should try making shorter lists. Or find small ways to reward yourself in between tasks. When I'm cleaning my house I like to have a good smelling candle in each room. Every time I finish a room (I mean finish - dust, sweep, declutter, whatever needs to be done), I get to light that candle. You will be surprised at how much the simple pleasures matter.

Go outside. Stop to smell the roses. Really.

Play hide & seek with someone.  

6. Don't Be a Zombie.

Write your shopping lists on piece of paper. Paper is just as transportable as your cell phone, and you are less likely to run over someone's heels with your shopping cart.

If you get thrown off your schedule, don't fret. The list will be here tomorrow. Try to stay on track where you can and know that when your alarm goes off tomorrow, you have lots to do and feel good about accomplishing. 

Break Free, a Workout Comedy

Just before I was about to put my son in the stroller and leash up the dog to go for an afternoon run, it started pouring rain for the 150th time this month. I really wanted to get in some cardio, so I turned to YouTube and did a search for "30 minute dance workout". The top video on the list had 8 million views so I thought it must be a good one. The jury is still out on that.

The first thing I see is the silhouettes of 7 dancers, all dressed in outfits ranging from bikini tops to booty shorts to baggy hip hop pants. Within seconds I'm introduced to the leader of the pack, a dark-skinned beauty named Bipasha Basu with a thick Indian accent. Clearly, all of these people spend everyday of their lives working out. They are toned, tan and look perfect on camera. I think, "Sweet. This is gonna kick my ass."

Putting aside my grumpiness at how good their legs look slathered in oil, which I find utterly ridiculous since they are about to sweat it off...Oh wait, no. There is a hidden fan blowing on them so their hair moves just so. They are probably not gonna sweat... I start the warm up. 

Ms. Basu, in her tiny, frayed, white jean shorts, tells me to stretch my neck muscles, demonstrating a rapid head tilt from right to left. It feels more like whiplash so soon in. I realize pretty quickly that I hate the music they are playing. It's like elevator music on crack. Worse, the dancers are not in sync and off beat with the music, probably because the moves they are doing don't go. I think they are really dancing to Beyonce or something else equally as booty-shakeable. As a dancer, this irritates me but I keep going. 

Taking me through moves dubbed the Sexy Sway, the Chest Bump, the Hammer Fist, and the Grab & Roll (a fancy version of the Cabbage Patch), I find myself laughing about halfway through. I'm not sure if it's because I know my moves look nothing like the sex pots' on the TV or if it's that I'm surrounded on all sides by open windows looking out at my neighborhood street (so who knows how many other people are also laughing). Or perhaps it's because this video is not so much a workout video as it is a promo for Ms. Basu's acting career. I stop counting the close ups of her "Come and get me, you dirty boy" face at about 18. (You know the face I'm talking about, girls. The one you don't want to admit you've practiced in your bathroom mirror.)

The best part is the water break toward the end. The dancers are filmed stretching out and toweling off their "sweaty" (oily) bodies while sipping from their water bottles. It is like a bad commercial for Gatorade. I stop for water, too, but I just sip from a plastic Mardi Gras cup & check on the baby and the dog.

Yes, they really included this. With instructions to only take small sips. 

To finish off, we do a Bollywood routine in which I am about 17 counts behind the entire time. At this point I am ready to quit (not out of exhaustion, unfortunately this workout isn't doing for my heart rate what a good run does), but because I find the whole thing so comical that I just want to sit down and watch it unfold. But since I'm not a quitter I thrust my pelvis, pump my chest and shimmy with them to the bitter end.

Obviously people like this sort of thing, there were 8 million views after all, but I suspect that some people may be doing a different kind of exercise while watching. A quick google search tells me that Ms. Basu is a film actress in India, mostly taking roles in the horror genre, and that she is cited in the media as a "sex symbol".

Final verdict, I had fun. I didn't spend that 30 minutes on the couch, and I laughed. At myself and at the ridiculousness of the whole thing. But the only way I'd ever do this video again is with some girlfriends, over drinks, so that we could show off our versions of the Double Shoulder Scoop and the Slap & Clap, and collectively appreciate how real we are. Sans shiny legs.

You know you want to see what I'm talking about.

You're welcome. 

Dance Walk! It's a Thing.

(How fitting is it that my first blog post involves dancing?)

Today Julien and I packed the stroller, some snacks and water and headed down to the Town Lake area to meet up with a fitness club called Dance Walk! Austin. Founded by my friend Sarah and another dance walker, Meaghan, this group finds a different route to dance walk each time, aiming for three Saturday mornings per month, though the recent rains have dropped buckets on their parade. We chose a special one to attend - it was Dance Walk's 3 year anniversary and 50th dance walk!

So, how does one dance walk? Well, it's pretty much what it sounds like. You dance while you walk. There is a speaker that the club leaders take turns rolling on a small dolly. Sarah creates a specific playlist the night before each meet up, limiting songs to about a minute or so each. She says that they learned early on that the dancers tire of a song after about halfway through, so this works well in keeping the energy pumping.

We met up at One Texas Center off Barton Springs Road and high stepped our way out of the parking lot to a Michael Jackson tune. I didn't really know what to expect at first, so I just pushed the stroller and added some sass to my walk. (Stroller struttin'? Is that a thing?!) Sarah led the way for the most part, and let me tell you, the girl can move. She was busting out with spins, shimmies and some moves I haven't seen since taking jazz class in the 90's. She was definitely the leader of the pack. Her confidence & fun spirit spread throughout the group as we all found ways to boogie down the trail along Riverside Drive. There were a couple times when I nonchalantly acted as if I didn't see the smart phones aimed at us. No, no... you must know the presence of the cameras only made us crank it up. There's a performer in all of us.

Though Julien calmly sat in his stroller for the first half hour, he got into the dance walk spirit the minute we arrived at the fountains in Butler Park. I quickly unsnapped him from the stroller and the moment his right toe touched the ground, he was off, running happily through the crowds of children and parents gathered there to splash and play. It's amazing what the laughter of your child, of any child really, will do for your heart. We stayed a bit longer than I think the other dance walkers wanted to since he was having so much fun. I will definitely be taking him back there a couple times a week during the summer. It's a great spot to have a picnic, cool off from the Texas heat, and maybe even take an afternoon nap under one of the surrounding trees.

By the time we left the fountains, everyone had cooled off, and we just chat danced during our short walk back to our cars, smiles on our faces and a little more sun kissed than when we had started. I will definitely do this again.

To find out when and where the next dance walk will take place, check them out here: Dance Walk on Facebook.

Disclaimer: The original dance walker is a New York City resident. Meaghan posted the video below to her Facebook timeline, and when Sarah saw it , she told her "We have to do this." Meaghan initially said, "No. No, we don't have to do this." But eventually Sarah's tenacity won out, and Meghan agreed. Thank goodness!

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