Spirit of a Southern Belle, Part 1: The Prankster

Many of us have a special someone who touches our lives so deeply that when the time comes for him or her to leave, the world seems a whole lot emptier. 

That person for me is my grandmother. She died one month ago, but I feel her spirit very much alive inside of me today. We were close, Mawzy and me. My childhood is stocked full to the brim of fond memories with her and Paw, who was my best friend, until he passed away when I was 10.

Paw & Mawzy, Pre-Me

As a youngster I hung out at their house nearly every evening after school until my parents got home from work. I'd help Mawzy cook dinner, mostly I remember her spaghetti - she made her sauce from scratch. We ate grits for breakfast every morning if I stayed the night, and when I'd behave, and most times when I didn't, we got Mooky Mooky, which was Mawzy's fancy way of saying root beer float. She had a nickname for everything.

All southerners, especially those in Louisiana's deep south, know that most great memories involve great food. Mawzy loved going to "The Restaurant," a seafood place right down the street, where she'd always order the Crabmeat Pontchartrain, a rich, butter baked dish which definitely won't clog your arteries. And ordering a burger from Char Lou's was always a treat, particularly since it was the only place in town to get a burger. When I was about 7, Mawzy made a dessert that had cream cheese in it. Paw hated cream cheese. But he loved that dessert. So we had to keep it a secret - Ignorance is Bliss 101.

Mawzy had a tremendous amount of arm fat, more than the typical woman over 30. She called it her "fluff." All of us grandchildren were obsessed with touching it. It was soft, the word feathery comes to mind, and it jiggled, a solid form of entertainment in which she willingly obliged. For as long as I can remember her fridge held a magnet of a hippo in a tutu that read, "I'm not fat, I'm fluffy." Her fluff was a joke that never got old, though now that I have some fluff of my own, it's not nearly as funny. She was a good sport.

I credit Mawzy for my love of shenanigans. She was a top notch prankster. Their yard was home to the largest grasshoppers I've ever seen. Thick-shelled black things the size of (in my child's mind) lobsters. I was scared to death of them. She would lure me over under the pretense that she wanted to show me one of her flower gardens, and as soon as I'd get close enough, she'd whip one of those ghastly things from behind her back at which point I would run as fast and as far as possible, convinced she was on my heels. By the time I'd stop, my heart threatening to pound right out of my chest, I would hear her laughing. I'd peek around the corner of the house and find her still standing where I'd left her. The only critters that scared me as much as the grasshopper lobsters were the stick bugs who, according to her, spit out purple poison.

The stuff of nightmares.

Mawzy was clever, and as time went on, she stopped using bugs and figured out more creative ways to prank those of us closest to her.

To be continued...

Sling Dance Project Takes Flight

What does it mean to take flight? Choreographers Julia Duffy-Dzubinski and Amanda Leigh Oakley, co-directors of Sling Dance Project, aim to answer this question in the title piece for their upcoming performance, Take Flight, premiering this weekend. 

Oakley came up with the idea for "Take Flight" after having a conversation with her boyfriend, Nicholas Hanson, the lead singer for Ghostbunny, who feels anxious when flying. While she personally has no fear of going down on a plane, she started thinking about how many people do, and the idea just grew from there. How scary it is sometimes to grow your own wings and take flight, to take a leap of faith and fly away from the place you are and move on to something bigger. So, big picture, "Take Flight" is about facing your fears. 

Sling Dance Project Company members
Photo Credit: Dean Campbell

I am lucky to be performing the piece with the two collaborators, along with three other talented Austin dancers - Pamela Patel, Emily Knox and Sammi Waugh. As a dancer I feel it's important to know the origin of a piece's concept because I want to have as close to a real life experience as possible. I believe it helps the choreographer's vision read more clearly to an audience. To me "Take Flight" is a wonderfully physical exploration of how it would feel to be a passenger on a plane in jeopardy. Set to music by local Austin band, Ghostbunny, the movement feels at times jerky and rough, as if we are being thrashed through the air as a plane whips out of control, but also holds moments that suggest we are floating outside the atmosphere. Just when it seems we will tumble in slow motion from a precipice, we are sucked back by an unknown force into real time for the next happening. There are many surprising moments in the piece and as a dancer, it's a welcome challenge to perform them. My personal experience throughout the rehearsal process has allowed space for reflection on how I perceive and approach turbulence in my own life.

Rehearsal for "Take Flight"

The piece requires technically sound dancers to execute successfully, but Dzubinksi says, "It's the concept that drives the technique." I can get behind this. Too often I find myself bored at performances that focus solely on the physical talent and not on the emotion behind what is being presented. I can walk away from performances like these and say, "Wow, those dancers sure can lift their legs high." But ultimately I want to FEEL something.

Guest Choreographer Nicole Olson

Sling is relatively new to the Austin dance scene, having produced two shows previously - "Glimmer in A Room" (Cafe Dance, August 2014) and "Passengers" (The Off Center, December 2014). Dzubinski previously produced the highly successful and anticipated No Assurance shows for three consecutive years prior to teaming up with Oakley last year. 

This performance is host to a variety of other choreographers and dancers as well, which is how Dzubinksi also arranged No Assurance. Sling's mission is to provide a platform for artists to express and challenge themselves, and they prefer working with choreographers who are willing to venture out of their comfort zones. The company doesn't limit the style of dance to only contemporary or modern so it opens the door to a variety of dance forms. The directors have a handful of choreographers they ask to create for each show including Hannah Brightwell of Verge Dance Company; Rosalyn Nasky, a stunning, long-bodied soloist from Austin whose works never cease to amaze me in their both graceful and disjointed manner; and Pamela Patel, long time friend and collaborator to Dzubinksi. I usually present a piece as well, but sadly one of my dancers was injured, so the duet I had planned will land in a future performance down the road. Once the "regular" slots are filled, the company does an open call to the dance community, often hosting choreographers from outside of Texas. The point is to create as diverse a program as possible. 

Guest Choreographer Elisa Marie Cavallero
Photo Credit: Scott Belding

When asked why she decided to leave "No Assurance" behind Dzubinski told me that after having her second child she realized that she didn't have the time to dedicate to producing full length shows alone. Oakley reached out to her saying she was interested in helping, and thus, Sling was born. Both choreographers felt that Austin's dance performance opportunities were limited, with most being full time companies or extremely specific styles, but they knew that people wanted to move. 

Okay, so why call it Sling? The two brainstormed over a long list of words that implied movement - the slinging of a body through space, propulsion forward. Dzubinski also mentioned a body sling, in that it is wrapped around one's body - a circle, or feeling of connectedness.   

What's it like co-directing?

"Different," laughs Dzubinksi. The two had to learn each other's communication styles early on, and with each show things run more smoothly.

This is your first time choreographing together. Tell me about it.  

"It's been really good," says Oakley. "We have different visions, but once you relinquish control it all comes together into one solid thing. I like the team element of co-choreographing."

Are all your future pieces going to be co-choreographed?
Not all of them. The creative process has been wonderful since deciding to work together, but life gets in the way, so time management becomes an issue, though they both would love to work together again creatively.

What are Sling's future goals? 
Everything is still short term since the company is still living from show to show. But eventually Dzubinksi would like to present two shows per year - one would be presented in the vein the shows are now, with multiple groups performing; the other would be a formal Sling show with works choreographed and performed by the company dancers. Sights are set on travel to nearby Texas cities which host a range of different festivals. Oakley would also like to bring in musicians to perform live with the dancers, and have a more interactive vibe with other types of artists.

"Take Flight" is happening Friday and Saturday, August 14 & 15 at 8:00PM at Bravo, Balance Dance Studios. Tickets are already on sale and will likely sell out, so head on over to Brown Paper Tickets to get your's now.  Complimentary wine will be served before, during and after the show!

Elastic Heart: Did Sia Make a Video About Narcissistic Love?

Sia's "Elastic Heart" video is an evocative, contemporary dance piece that takes place between a man played by Shia LaBeouf, and a young girl, prodigy dancer Maddie Ziegler. In a behind the scenes making of the video, we are told that Maddie represents some of Shia's self states, perhaps an inner child or some of his personal demons. But since the story is presented in the form of artistic movement, the audience can interpret it however they wish.

I see it as the dynamic between two people caught up in a narcissistic love cycle. The video fast forwards through most of what happens in this type of relationship - the flattery, seduction and love bombing; the mirroring of one's personality, conditioning the target to believe in what is, ultimately, one long con - and skips straight to the end of this abusive cycle, when the narcissist's target knows something is quite wrong and has begun to lash out, even though she may not understand why.

Set in a gigantic bird cage, the two characters begin in a face off, with eyes determined and deadly. They are dressed in nude clothing and they are filthy, having already been dragged through the mud by events that have taken place prior to this moment. At first you believe the girl is the antagonist. Villianous, out of control, full of inexplicable rage and aggression, her movement plays out like an angry animal who doesn't want the man to get close to her. Anytime he approaches she attacks, making him appear the victim of outright lunacy.

She manages to scare him away and he climbs out of her space to the top of the cage where he dangles above for a spell, observing her until she is no longer agitated. She finally has a moment to rest, but once he sees that she is calm, he drops down to land beside her, coercing her to come to him, like someone encouraging a stray dog with food. She is drawn to this ostensibly selfless behavior and wants to trust it, but she knows in her core that he is going to harm her, so she bites down on his hand before he can. She then opens her eyes wide with her own hands to tell him that she sees through his manipulative tricks of persuasion, and she slips through the bars of the cage revealing that she always had the choice to leave.

She watches the man lose control because he can't reach her outside the confines of his prison. She could be free of him if she just walked away, but like so many caught up in this kind of addictive cycle, she chooses to go back in and help him because she knows that he is a wounded creature who can't help himself. Tragically she is fooling herself into believing she can save him.

It is her return to the cage that gives him strength, and for the moment he listens as she exposes the many masks he wears. But when holding his hand she attempts to lead him out of the cage, they find he can't fit through the bars. She expends a great amount of energy trying to pull him out, and when the sad truth sets in that he is stuck, he grabs hold of her waist begging her not to leave him. You watch this fruitless endeavor for several moments after the song has ended. His eyes become lifeless and his body eventually goes limp as he loses hope, but she continues to fight his battle for him in a grand effort to free him from his despair.

The video ends before we know whether she gave up or if she returned to the cage a second time. I have hope that she realizes she'll never be able to free him from his own prison. If she does, another innocent soul will sadly take her place. Kind people are abundant, and they don't like to see a wounded creature trapped.

Here's the curious thing. When he was hanging from the top of the cage above her, there was a brief moment in which he looked up, and from the outside looking in, you can see that the opening at the top of the cage is big enough for him to fit through if he were willing to garner his strength and climb out. Instead he chooses to focus his attention on her.

If he would only look up to that expansive sky and coax himself out, he might find that he has his own wings.

"Elastic Heart" is the second video of Sia's trilogy starring Maddie Ziegler.

Sia never ceases to amaze. I highly recommend buying all her albums. "Elastic Heart" can be found on her latest album, "1,000 Forms of Fear," my personal album for this year. As LaBoeuf puts it, "Her work is very cathartic. You listen to the album, it's just like reading a diary."

All images in the post were found in a Google search for Elastic Heart Video.

A Blue Moon Prayer For All My Sisters

Beautiful orbed ruler of goddesses, I see you in all your silvery glory, ablaze in my soul. I bow down to you tonight letting go of all that has held me back. And gazing up at you with eyes innocent and bright I admire your fierce glow that radiates inside me. Raising my arms with heart thrown wide open, I welcome your magic. You are my loving earth guide, and you give me strength, courage and wisdom as I slip into the thick forest of Venus Retrograde.

For all my sisters
who search out truth and enlightenment,
I seek with you.

For all my sisters
who use their gentle touch to heal and nurture,
I praise you.

For all my sisters
who aren't afraid to stand up for themselves,
I sing with you.

For all my sisters
who allowed one to mishandle her heart,
I feel your pain.

For all my sisters
who revel in taking a challenge head on,
I roar with you.

For all my sisters
who celebrate their own transformations,
I am reborn with you.

For all my sisters
who rejoice in their thirst for life,
I drink with you.

For all my sisters
who open their hearts to give and receive light and love,
I see you.

For all my sisters
who protect themselves from darkness,
I salute you.

For all my sisters
who have souls as deep as the ocean,
I dive there with you.

For all my sisters
who yearn for inspiration,
I dream with you.

For all my sisters
who make those dreams happen,
I work with you.

For all my sisters
who embrace being in control of their lives,
I take the reins with you.

For all my sisters
who say fuck playing the victim and being helpless,
I own my choices with you.

For all my sisters
who refuse to lie down and be door mats,
I stand with you.

To all my sisters
who are gentle with themselves,
I am your pupil.

To all my sisters
who are gentle with their enemies,
I admire you.

To all my sisters
who know, love and accept themselves,
I am learning to be one of you again.

To all my sisters
scorned who have risen above,
I am on my way to meet you.

www.space.com

10 Things I've Learned from My (Almost) Two Year Old

My son and I are 35 years apart. I'm supposed to be his teacher, but I think in many ways that is backward. Here are 10 things he's taught me in his short time on earth.

1. The messiest activities are the most fun. 

2. Being naked is better.

3. Swimming can always turn around a bad day. Every time.

4. Children are natural helpers, they want to work with you.

5. You can play hide-and-seek anywhere. Anywhere.

6. Popsicles rock. 

7. Spending an entire day outside can kick insomnia in the you know what.

8. Running through the sprinkler on a hot day is as fun now as it was 30 years ago.

9. Goodnight Moon is actually creepy and disturbing.

10. Life offers a multitude of reasons to clap and giggle every single day. 

(Some of our faves - dogs, sneezing, fake sneezing, wiggling toes, belly buttons, animal sounds especially monkeys and elephants, burping, dancing, jumping, shhh-shing, crunching food, the wind blowing on our faces, walking down the street, car rides, tickling, funny faces, peek-a-boo, yogurt.) 

The Best Kinda Tired

There's the kind of tired that you feel from working too much. The kind that grabs hold of you during a midafternoon slump when your coffee has worn off. The one that you experience after you eat too much. Or a couple hours after a particularly good workout. The kind of exhaustion you feel after you've had too many thoughts, or didn't sleep well last night, or pushed yourself for too long without a break.

Then there's the kind of tired I am tonight. The kind that involves a blazing hot sun beaming down through a clear sky. Music, laughter, and friends old and new. The wind carrying the sweet smell of bbq with dogs grinning and people connecting and hearts dancing. Being swished up and down and around by the gentle rocking of the boats' wake, embracing my squealing, laughing, innocent boy who chooses moments, specific in his mind, to stop what he's doing, put his hands on my face and pull me in for a kiss. Throw his arms around my neck and hug me tight, telling me thank you for this wonderful day. We give and accept love. This is how it works.

I am grateful for my freedom. Our freedom.

And I close my eyes, with a smile on my face, feeling blissful and content and full.

You Dumb Dumb!

If you're anything like me you abhor traffic. And if you live in Austin or have spent any amount of time here, you know that the roads are congested for most of the day.

It's been bad for a long time. I remember dubbing Mopac "Slowpac" about two years after getting here. That was 10 years ago. And now, with the influx of people and the exploding population in the last 3-4 years, it is a tad unbearable.

I began to notice my increasing road rage two and a half years ago when I was pregnant. I don't know if it was the hormones, the protective urge I suddenly felt, or simply the fact that with all the new drivers came a whole new set of rules. Whatever the case, I started to feel this bubbling rage that at times would spill over. I'd catch myself shouting at other people on the road, sometimes giving the finger, blaring down on my horn, shaking my head at their stupidity. I'm sure I looked like a lunatic. I certainly felt like one.

WHY must you cut me off?

Is it so hard to STAY IN YOUR LANE? (Seriously, if you can't, you need to trade in your Suburban for something smaller.)

GET OFF YOUR EFFING PHONE AND DRIVE!!!

Are you SERIOUSLY putting on mascara while driving at 70mph?!!!

Ohmygod, GOOOOOO!!

FML.

Some people can take the bus or ride their bikes to get around town. That's great if that is an option for you. Unfortunately I need my car for work. Cap Metro is not the most stellar transportation service, and riding the bus is not a very efficient use of your time if you are on a tight schedule. My daily Clone adventures and my son's to & fro's require me to be on my own timetable, not Cap Metro's.

I'm lucky enough to be self-employed and not forced to use the roads during peak hours in the morning or evening. I generally avoid those times altogether, sticking close to home or not leaving my office at all, and when I have to, I take the back roads, but even those are getting congested. Everyone is learning the secrets of the city. Damn it!

At 7:30 this morning when I was slamming on my brakes behind bad drivers on Capital of Texas Hwy, I started thinking about my grandfather, Paw. When I was little he'd pick me up nearly every afternoon and drive me to his house where I would hang out with him and Mawzy until my parents were off from work. He drove a chocolate brown King Cab truck that had a CB radio he talked on frequently, but the thing I remember most about riding in that truck is when someone would drive badly he'd shout out, "YOU DUMB DUMB!" At the time I found it funny, but as an adult dealing with lots of dumb dumbs behind the wheel, I'm positive that this was Paw's version of road rage. I also think that he probably didn't have the right of way half as often as he thought he did. I wonder how he'd react to the chaos wreaked by Austin motorists today?

Paw, decades before he became my best friend

It's easy to get frustrated at every wrong turn someone else makes, whether it's because they clearly earned their driver's license in a different country or simply because they are distracted, but I have learned that reacting to it by yelling, throwing my hands up or leaning on the horn only fuels my rage. Instead, starting today, I'm going to take a deep breath and channel my Paw, imagining the other driver feels 110% confident that he or she is driving politely. Then, with a smile on my face, I'm going to calmly say...You Dumb Dumb!!

At least that's the plan. I'm hoping I can make traffic one less thing to stress about.